An Auto Spies Investigation – YOU BE THE JUDGE and let’s have some weekend FUN!!
Spies unite, collect ‘spherical your screens and behold Exhibit A: probably the most enigmatic lower-half in automotive historical past. The photograph above – blurred for dramatic impact and to guard the harmless (or responsible) – presents a person whose higher torso screams “I as soon as arm-wrestled a Tesla coil and received,” however whose decrease half is pure Dad at a PTA assembly who by accident joined a boy band.
Let’s break it down, ’00’-style:
The Shirt: Floral print so aggressive it may photosynthesize. That is both a Hawaiian trip memento or the uniform of a mid-life disaster botanist. Both method, it says, “I comprise multitudes… and presumably a ukulele.”
The Pants: Khaki capris cropped with the precision of a hedge fund supervisor’s bonus. These will not be pants. These are enterprise informal flood insurance coverage. If Noah wore these, the ark would’ve been a convertible.
The Sneakers: Black loafers polished to a mirror end, but in some way nonetheless whispering, “I’ve seen issues.” These are the sneakers of a person who parallel parks with the arrogance of a Navy SEAL however suggestions the valet in Chuck E. Cheese tokens.
The Stance: One fist clenched like he’s about to drop the most well liked mixtape of 2025, titled “Spreadsheets & Regrets.” The opposite arm? Casually slung round an invisible pal who owes him cash.
So, Spies we flip to you: What car does this legend pilot?
A) Tesla Cybertruck – as a result of solely a person this additional would daily-drive a stainless-steel Dorito.
B) Toyota Prius – stealth wealth, hybrid guilt, and a trunk stuffed with Costco rotisserie chickens.
C) 1998 Honda Civic with neon underglow – nonetheless operating on hopes, goals, and a tape deck caught on NSYNC.
D) A rented Lime scooter – as a result of why personal when you may vibe?
Zoom in. Squint. Channel your inside BOND. Reply along with your guess and forensic proof (sock size, belt buckle angle, and so forth.). The highest idea wins a digital high-five and everlasting glory within the AutoSpies feedback part.
Case file: OPEN.
Clock’s ticking.
What. Automotive. Does. He. Drive?
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